Sirius' Journal
by PenonPaperFingersonKeys
Summary: When McGonagall gives Sirius a journal for 'therapy' and herself a chance to drop in on the Marauders insanity there's bound to be trouble. So join Sirius, in his amusing ramblings and conversations with James, Peter, Remus and his lovely Minnie.
1. Chapter 1

Dear Mr Black,

_I hope this Journal reaches you as well as my wishes for you to use it. After long sessions of theropy due to the traumatic six years you and the 'Marauders' have given me my therapist and I conducted up an assignment for you. My therapist suggests you are all equally unstable and troubled but you are as 'mad as a cut snake'. This is a Journal for you to write in. Do not worry, only my therapist and I will read it but you better write in it or your hopes of becoming an auror are dead. _

_Minerva McGonagall_

* * *

1st of September 1977

Blimey, I'm as mad as a cut snake? You should have seen her when we made her walk around in her knickers for a day. Scarring it was, but worth it. You should have seen Dumbledore checking her out.

Ha! Well I told James about this so now Minnie has to go through our conversations which will be written in here.

**Bloody hell, Sirius. You're right. Dumbledore was checking her out!!**

_As much as I hate to disappoint you, Professor, I also agree with James and Sirius. _

Yup.

* * *

_Dear Sirius Black and Friends,_

_This was a highly inappropriate entry. I am extremely disappointed in you four. This is the exact reason I was forced into therapy. _

_Minerva McGonagall_

* * *

2nd September 1977

This Journal is extremely amusing. Maybe, with this as my main weapon, I can make McGoanagll go nuts. That would be a right laugh and I, Sirius Orion Black, would go down in history.

James is being a bit edgy lately. This Head Boy thing is making him like a…like a…like a Head Boy! Yeah, one of those swots that annoy the crap out of everyone.

_That's just a good show of Leadership._

**I am not a swot, Black! **

Yes you are, now but out. Any who, surprisingly Prongs hasn't asked Miss Evans out yet. Weird, huh? I mean Miss Evans has become Prongs' obsession right? If I recall correctly he followed her around all day one day to touch her hair! And now he abondons his routine of asking her out three times a day (at breakfast – they're always the most laid back – At lunch – the most extravagant – and dinner – the most romantic- ) because he's not interested in her apparently!

Blimey, he not being interested in Lily is like me liking guys. Not gonna happen.

* * *

_Dear Sirius Black and Friends,_

_Black, I suggest you give Potter a chance before ridiculing him. It is only the second day you have been back. And showing responsibility is not being a 'swot'._

_Minerva McGonagall_

* * *

3rd September 1977

**Black can you please not write about my love life in this book where McGonagall can see it. I saw you giving me a cheeky smile today, Minnie. I hope it's not about this.  
**

Potter, I reckon your mind is playing tricks on you. Minnie isn't capable of a smile.

**That's a bit nasty don't you think?**

Nah. The only time she smiles is when we're on holidays. Hey mate, you want to sneak into the teachers staff room and spy on her?

**YES! Ah, but Lily…**

Ha! You do still like her!

**Do not.**

Do too.

**Do not.**

Do too.

**Do not.**

Do too.

**SHUT UP BLACK! I DON'T EFFING LIKE THE BLOODY GIRL.**

No need to be so mean.

_I'm sorry Professor but I feel the need to say, do you see what I live with?_

* * *

_Dear Sirius Black and Friends,_

_I offer you my best wishes and am praying for my sanity. Potter, I want you to work hard for the Quidditch Cup this year and Black, you owe me an essay. And I never smile cheeky smiles. Also Black, I told you you needed to give Potter time._

_Minerva McGonagall_

* * *

5th September 1977

Stupid old witch.


	2. Chapter 2

7th September 1977

I got detention for a month! A month! For calling her a stupid old witch. Should have seen her face though; all high and smug. Not that I haven't got detention before. I have the highest detention record _ever_. James is falling behind a bit on that. We have a competition see. Whoever has the highest detention record by the end of seventh year wins and the other gets one hundred gallons and they get to choose something for the other to do. Really I can rephrase that correctly. I get one hundred gallons and James gets to do something I choose, because with the way he's going, there ain't going to be no competition.

**One hundred gallons? I agreed to that?**

Well you agreed to it when you were in the running.

**SHI-Shivers. Ehum. Forgot McGonagall could see this.**

Yeah, whatever. What could she do?  
**  
Alright, mum would kill me if I lost one hundred gallons and dad would kill me for losing a bet. You know how he is, always in it to win. So, Sirius I'll meet your month with two. **

How you going to manage this without losing your badge?

**I'll figure it out. **

I have a bad feeling about this, Remus.

_Me too, Peter. _

**HEY MINNIE! Go get some sort of thing to get your wrinkles off old lady! Oh and kiss Dumbledore while you're at it. We know how he turns you on. **

_Why'd you write it in permanent ink, James?_

'**Cause I knew you'd try to rub it off. **

Okay James, that was really stupid.

**RUB IT OFF! IT'S NOT RUBBING OFF!! NOOOOOOO!!!!**

* * *

_Dear Mr Potter,_

_You have been rewarded detention for five months excluding the nights of Quidditch Practise/Prefect Rounds/Head Duties. _

_Albus Dumbledore_

* * *

8th September 1977

Dumbledore. That's harsh mate; now Dumbledore can see all this stuff. Even the stuff about you and Lily! Ha-ha! Imagine all the stuff we can tell him about you. See, Dumbly, this one time James tried to serenade Lily with a...

Boom box.

Yeah, boom box playing this lovey-dovey song yelling out to her at one in the morning but he got MINNIES room instead!

**...**

Mate?

**....**

I think he's trying to drown himself in the shower. Is that normal?

_For us, yes. _

Who wants to save him this time?

I will!

NO! No way! Last time you tried to save him he was inches away from hanging himself and you encouraged him!

Aww, come on! It was –

_One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven times?_

Maybe...

Are you trying to kill him?

...

I would.

_Sirius you're not helping. _

* * *

_Dear Sirius and Friends (Minus the late James Potter),_

_I offer you my condolences. James was a bright and happy boy and he will be much missed here at Hogwarts._

_Minerva McGonagall_

* * *

10th September 1977

Jeez, Minnie, What's up with all the assignments? There getting to be a bit too much. You know how my priorities are: Friends, Girls, Money, Booze, Work and Family. Work is only above family and I hate my family!

**And I'm not dead. What gave you that idea?**

She gets crazier every day...

**You sounded almost excited about my death! Do you know how that makes me feel? Unloved. **

No...Evans makes you feel unloved.

**Ha-ha, very funny. Do you know she smiled at me yesterday! Smiled! At me!**

Obsessed much?

**Shut up Black and go snog another faceless girl.**

Don't mind if I do. Toodles and get out of my Journal!

* * *

_Dear Sirius Black and Friends,_

_Potter, Black you have detention tomorrow night. Be there!_

_Minerva McGonagall_


End file.
